Hey there world...

So, I had some issues with the last blog setup--hopefully this one will last me longer than two posts. We shall see.

I am having such an amazing time---I have so much to say, so much to see, so much to learn about life and experience and love and all of it. I feel like it is all just building up inside and I'll lose it if I dont write it down.

Its strange to me that I have come all the way over here just to make the simplest realizations about humanity--realizations that I could have made anywhere. I have realized that a smile can count for so much. That anyone can be a friend. That we are just a spec of a timeline. Family and friends are so important. True happiness is a point of view, only attainable with an open mind and a strong imagination.

I have also made realizations that I think I could only make here. Time spent sitting in a cafe is not time wasted--even if it may take four hours out of your day...everyday. There is no such thing as a time and place for drinking--all hours of the day are viable drinking hours. Theres nothing wrong with peeing on the side of the freeway. There is no need for air conditioning--just open the windows. Any piece of meat--even if its a heart or a liver or a lung of an animal--are capable of being made in the delectable treats. There's nothing wrong with going 140 mph on the freeway. I could go on...and Im sure I will have a long list by the end of all of this.

One of my favorite and most valuable realizations through this all has been captured through the story of Jen--the mother of the three children I am watching and the wife of Brian. Jen's story is a rough one, and one that you would never guess by seeing her cheery face and listening to her gossip with her long southern drawl. She is a classic Alabama girl--hilarious.

Jen's story is moving because it is filled with some rough times. She was one of two kids--well three if you count her cousin who was raised with her and her brother. Thats a whole other story. Anyway, Jen grew up in Tuscaloosa Alabama. Her and her brother were extremely close. I believe they were only about two years apart in age. Anyway, Im not exactly sure of the time frame, but I think Jen was just about to start college and her brother had just received a new job and was feeling really excited about it all. He was finally makin good money and decided that he was going to celebrate on his first day off. He an his buddies used to spend their days off together by going out and hunting (classic southern pasttime). Anyway, Doug (her brothers name) decided he would go out with his first pay check and buy a hunting rifle for himself as a treat. Usually he and his friends would just share...they werent serious hunters. So, he wanted to take this new gun out and celebrate and try it out, but his buddies were all working that day. So he decided to go by himself--he didnt want to waste his day off! So, he took the gun out to the forest and didnt really think anything of it. He hadn't taken the appropriate precautions of putting on the orange vest to ward off other hunters, to keep him from being mistaken for a deer or something. Doug was shot and sat there for 2 days missing while the family frantically sent out searches. He was dead.

I just about cried my tears out when I heard to story. Doug and his wife had just had a baby and he wouldnt see her grow up. The baby's name was Kathryn--she is visiting with us here in Germany right now. The effect that her father's lack of prescence in her life is apparent just by looking into her eyes and seeing the sadness that she has in her heart. Jen took it upon herself to make Kathryn feel loved. After Doug was shot, Monica (his wife) disappeared for months. She took the baby Kathryn with her and went into seclusion immediately--changing her last name back to her maiden name just 9 days after his death! As soon as they returned, Jen took it upon herself to provide daycare for the child and take night classes. That baby was all that remained of her brother.

The hardship doesnt end there. Jens mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Not the easy cure kind--the hard core/you are going to die kind. Sorry to be so blunt, but thats the way Jen's mom looks at the situation. I spoke with her about it for a long time yesterday. She was diagnosed in 1991 (i think) and has been undergoing treatment ever since. She has gone through kemotherapy and surgery after surgery. She is currently taking medication that should give her 5 more years to live. Her outlook is, "well...in five years they will have come up with technology and new medications that will give me a few more years. I'll take five more years for now." She is so positive, it is great.

She was seriously ill when Jen was being sent to Iraq back in1995 or something like that. After being in the Desert for 10 days, the American Red Cross contacted Jen and told her she had to come back immediately--her mother was in the hospital. She was provided with free transportation back to Alabama. What is ironic is that in those 10 days, Jen met Brian--the man she would end up marrying.

Well, treatment went well and Jen's mother got better for the time being. Within 6 weeks, Jen and Brian met again. They spent hours together...learned everything about each other. Except Brian withheld one important detail. While sitting on the beach one day, one of Brian's old "girl" friends walked by and said, "hey Brian! How are yOU? Hey...when you get a chance, I'd love to see a picture of your three kids!!" Jen just about shit her pants, "you have KIDS!? 3 KIDS???!!!!" And that was that. Jen freaked out, but she was in love. She love him. And at the age of 24 she adopted a 4 year old girl, 5 year old girl, and an 8 year old boy. The mother of the kids is in jail, psycho, and is only mentioned in conversations as "birth mother." Its almost as if she is some mystical figure that looms over the past of these children...it will be interesting to see how that develops as time goes on.

Anyway, that is the story of Jen. Amazing huh? She has impressed me with her wit and her love for life. Today is her birthday and I just thought it would be fun to share her story with you all. She has made me feel just so welcome here and made me realize that a mom can still be young and have fun (like you mommy!).

Life can throw us a lot of shit sometimes. Its just important that we take it for what its worth. Life is actually a lot simpler than we tend to make it with our busy lifestyles in the United States. There is morning, afternoon, and night. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Get through that with mostly smiles and you have accomplished your goal for the day. If not, there is always tomorrow.

all my love,
beth